well readers, life has changed for me – I went from an independent, dancing, swimmimg active woman to a stage 4 Lumg cancer patient overnight and it litterally is not pretty.
On March 8 during a dancing class I thought I hurt my shoulder – and I had as I could not use to swim 2 days later – decided to let it heal and then see – after a momth pain started – went to the chiro and then sport medicine doc but things got worse – I thought I had torn a muscle – On June 29, after a few x-rays and a ct-scan I learned the news: Pulmonary embolism and stage 4 lung cancer –
A week later I found myself struggling for breath and my daughter brought me to live with her – more struggling and mid July I had to agree that I needed to come to the hospital for a bit of a relief – well, it’s now August16 and I am still there = 4 litres of fluid removed from my lung really helped and now I am goimg under radiation – 15 days – 5 days dome – relearning to walk as being in bed for days on end really does a number on the muscles –
I know how to live but I don’t know how to be sick, dependant and how to die
I know I don’t want to live this way -feeble, dependent – in paim – even with treatment, I don’t have years – maybe months … this is not how I envisioned my end
Maybe today is a dark day – very tired from the radiation – it does not help the moral